““Because,” says Mom. “Because you seemed like a happy little boy. It never crossed my mind that you could be anything else.” “I was too scared to say anything.” My pencil feels clumsy in my hand. My throat is tight. So much time lost, so much of my childhood gone, because nobody ever asked the right questions. Mom nods like it makes sense, like any of this makes sense, and dives back into her reading. Or, no. Tries to. A few minutes later she looks up. “Danny, are you really happy like this?” The answer comes immediately. “Yes.””
— Dreadnought: Nemesis - Book One, by April Daniels
Don’t wanna know That feeling when I’m all alone So please don’t make me wait, cause I don’t wanna break No, I don’t wanna fall When you’re next to me Can tell I’m not afraid to be That you don’t make me wait, and never let me break You never let me fall
Darling, hold my hand Oh, won’t you hold my hand? Cause I don’t wanna walk on my own anymore Won’t you understand? Cause I don’t wanna walk alone I’m ready for this, there’s no denying I’m ready for this, you stop me falling I’m ready for this, I need you all in I’m ready for this, so darling, hold my hand
2022 was a real bad year for me. I want 2023 to be different. It has to be different. I need to make it different. I can’t stay like this forever. Hating myself so much for other people leaving me. And just pushing everybody else away for fear it’ll just keep happening. I’m so sick of being afraid. Of being stagnant. Of not making a difference. Of not trying. I want to change so fucking bad. I have to. https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm-csCUsiPM/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
My hair is getting so long. I kinda miss shortish hair, but I don’t wanna cut it anytime soon. Also, I think I need to redo the ginger.
I plan on going through all my selfies over the years and making a gif or video of me changing from wee babe to hot babe. 💁🏽♀️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CmwmJ5Wpxud/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
Apparently the modem/router I have is out of date now, according to Xfinity. Mind you, I bought it within the last two years. Because it’s not supported anymore, my internet speed has tanked dramatically. I never get above 1Mbps when downloading Steam games, so it’s taking FOREVER to download them. The modem/router Xfinity recommends is over $300. This is so fucking absurd. The modem worked before just fine, I really don’t understand what changes they could’ve made that would make this one useless. 🤦🏽♀️ (at Vernon, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmwhqI2OgU6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
I’m not the person I used to want to be. I’ve fallen behind in life so many times in so many ways. But no matter what, eventually, I claw my way back. My potential is not gone. My intelligence is not gone. Nor is my creativity or curiosity; my will to live, and excel. My endless capacity for love is still endless. I know for a fact that I will make a difference. I know for a fact I already have. I’m not the person I used to want to be, but I’m damn well gonna keep trying. https://www.instagram.com/p/CmNopz9smXQ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
